


through the wire

by cybersquatt



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post KH2-Pre KH3D, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 07:57:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18961102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cybersquatt/pseuds/cybersquatt
Summary: As Apollo begins to rise, Riku wakes up before Sora.





	through the wire

**Author's Note:**

> hi  
> \- ive been gone for like... months lol school sucks (esp pre-finals) but i managed to write this all in one day and then proceeded to not. publish it for like a week soz  
> \- riku is gay . im lesbian. sometimes that gay guilt hits. we all already know  
> \- title taken from rina sawayama's ["through the wire"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fVbpWzjPDM)  
> \- that's all

The beginnings of dawn paint the childhood bedroom in pink and orange, fixating itself on the fold and bends of the bed; of which is placed right under the window, curtains drawn up to let the unfiltered light from the sun’s awakening soak into their skin. A sweet dream slowly pulls away from Riku, whose covered by the humidity of the summer but comforted in spite of the excessive heat, wakes to the waves of the ocean. A bird caws as a car rides pass and despite it all, Sora sleeps through the sound of the morning’s wake.

Despite the summer’s call for humidity, they curl around each other like flesh and bone, filling the spaces between the marrow of their bones with the other. Beneath Riku’s ear, he can hear the slow relaxed beat of Sora’s heart. His breath syncs in with every rise and fall of his chest, emitting warmth from his mouth right to his fingertips that curl at the nape of Riku’s neck.

Riku can’t remember the last time he’s woken up like this, surrounded by Sora; perhaps they were in their pre-teens before Riku started noticing how his heart started behaving differently, beating at the wrong pace— a moment behind Sora’s and too many behind Kairi’s. Whether or not it was him that began pulling away and Sora never closing that distance, he wishes they never gave this up.

This relentless _want_  enclosing in his chest drowns him and Riku resists burying his face into Sora’s chest. This selfish ephemeral comfort, that collects the most fragile parts of himself and bares them out open so he can swallow them whole, consumes him not only by freezing degrees but also by warmth— perhaps from Sora or not.

These fragile stained glass fragments of himself cover him thinly in silent awareness of how close Sora is and how his legs tangled with his own. They whisper in jagged pieces connecting together of how right Sora feels against him; the gentle presence of this boy's skin pressed against his own as if he has always belonged there and the selfish feelings that gather in Riku's heart work too closely together, their gears barely dodging each other as they spin. Edging between contentedness and guilt.

The guilt of things he cannot explain, of things he can't find the correct set of words to describe the deep ache in his heart. Sora has forgiven him so long ago, in many tears and lingering touches. Kairi has said her forgiveness in little words and plenty actions, seeing the carves of his face in a misshapen statue. Their neverending comfort of how the past is in the past and the present is far lighter than what Riku has ever imagined it to be— Riku still struggles nevertheless to forgive and forget.

He sighs softly, twitching slightly when the gentle pads of Sora's war-worn fingertips ghost further down the nape of his neck. He's too aware of his body and the pace of his breaths.

He feels too heavy to be laying on Sora like this, an arm thrown over Sora's torso and head pillowed at his breast. Riku's almost too tall for the small twin bed they're sharing in Sora's childhood bedroom, toes edging the border of the mattress. Sora's own toes brush against his calves and Riku tries to not flinch at the coldness of them.

Riku lets his hand curl at Sora's hip and does nothing more. He closes his eyes in an attempt to bleed away the growing tension in his body and the festering emotions piling into his chest that's starting to make it hard to breathe in clearly.

Fingertips drag across Riku's shoulder blade. The hand lingers at the curve of where his arm and shoulder meet before it moves to curl at the middle of his ribs. A heart is beating too fast underneath those fingertips and a face buries into silver hair, a body pressed closer and Riku feels like something inside him is tipping over and spilling out. An emotion that rises up his throat and overwhelming. It’s warmth, one that burns like the sun's kiss after a rainy day.

Contentedness and guilt mix and rise inside him. These fester of emotions he doesn't know how to begin to understand twist him one way and then the other till his skin is stretched too thin.

When Sora makes a soft sleepy sound, Riku imagines him opening his eyes and handing over his tired smile over with no hesitation as if Riku truly deserves it. He imagines those fingers curling into his hair like his mother used to do, the bite of his chewed nail scratching shallowly. He thinks of himself slowly rising up on his forearm that's trapped between them and hovering over that tired smile.

He thinks of his own morning tiredness that would be slipping off to fade into a simple longing…. Their eyes meeting with too many emotions that akin to the morning's soft glow running between them, Sora still has a faint outline of his smile as both of their eyes lower as his head tips down—

Riku bites his tongue, heat rising off his face and a sinking cold feeling rushing through his heart before it forms a stone in the pits of his stomach. These emotions, ones that bring both passion and remorse, are no stranger. Riku knows the ins and outs of them, the curves and the patterned imprints their spine leaves when it bends around his chest. Whatever this was, love or yearning of something he doesn't have, leaves him longing for what he can't afford.

Riku has always been allowed to want, but he _wants_  too much. Fantasies running through his head of things he can't have and love, if that's what this is, was an infection of Laverna's spirit that ends with him taking more than what he can swallow.

It happened once, twice, too many times; attention was something he had craved too often and his bottomless stomach and hands too unused to letting go had become his downfall. These wants of softly touched presses and gentle lips are locked away somewhere deeper inside himself because surely, this was a part of himself he was never supposed to share. This vulnerable piece of a larger portrait is too fragile to showcase. Even the hands that own it are too rough to handle them.

Wanting isn't something unfamiliar to Riku but this barrier of never having, never allowed to have, surrounding things his heart wants so desperately is new and Riku is still learning his way around.

He takes what he _can_  have though. He lets their body mold together, a centerpiece in the making and this guilt of love or yearning is shoved 6 feet inside him and swallows what he can, every other breath a choke.

And when Sora wakes, disrupting the peace of soft snoring with the sound of moving limbs that just hadn't woken up yet, Riku allows himself to feel a little more than what he should. A doe-eyed look he wishes he could express a little more subtlety, more privately, bares open for Sora.

And when dawn’s light highlights the structure of his face, all the soft angles and pale freckles mapping the skin beneath his eyes, he stares. With another flutter of the curtains, the light catches Sora's eyes, just barely open but enough for Riku to see the way they return a golden brown, glowing softly. Sora lets out a mumbled grunt, squinting his eyes in the sudden beam of light.

"Awake yet?" Riku asks softly, reaching over to still the curtains.

Sora does not respond but instead his fingers gliding over Riku's cheek as if to caress a smile onto Riku's face. The burden of this selfish comfort begins to feel too light as he lays still underneath his touch. His heart feels too open and he worries that all the love he carries is bleeding out.

But Sora still gives him that tired smile and Riku thinks that's more than enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> [my carrd.co](https://somebody.carrd.co/)


End file.
